75 Famous Toasts That You Should Steal the Next Opportunity You Get

Let’s set the scene. You’re in a dimly lit bar surrounded by your oldest friends and their spouses. Everyone’s laughing, but then, someone proposes a toast. The crowd quiets. Everyone leans in admiration and awe. They want a toast, and they’re expecting a good one.

And then it happens. Your buddy smiles sheepishly, fixes his hair, raises his glass, and regales the crowd with a limerick so familiar yet unlike any the crowd has heard before. Everyone laughs, cheers, and smiles from ear to ear.  They all lift their glasses in accordance with that quick, bouncing quip before touching their sweet libations to their lips. 

Your buddy is a legend. 

You can be that legend, but you have to spend some time practicing. While I can’t be there in the mirror to critique your tone, inflection, projection, and cadence, I can offer some perfect fodder for your next toasting opportunity. Don’t miss it! Here are some famous quotes for men who have the balls to propose a toast!

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Funny Famous Toasts to Get a Laugh

Sometimes a good drinking toast is more about loosening up your drinking buddies and breaking the ice, and what better way to do that than get everyone laughing? The following are some great short toasts to use to get a laugh.

“To our sons. “May they have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.”

“Here’s to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat.”

“Lift ’em high and drain ’em dry, til the next guy says, “My turn to buy.”

“Champagne to my real friends and real pain to my sham friends.”

“Here’s to being sing,e drinking doubles, and seeing triple!”

“May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: “This drink’s on me.”

“I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own.”

“I would rather be with the people in this room than the finest people I know.”

“One bottle for the four of us, and Thank God there aren’t more of us!”

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.”

“The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift, because it’s the present.”

“Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.”

“May you live all the days of your life!”

“Cheer to the health of your enemies’ enemies!”

“To my schizophrenic friend. He’s good people.”

“May we be who our dogs think we are.”

“Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.”

“As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.”

“Nothing but the best for our hostess. That’s why she has us as friends.”

“Here’s to the wisdom of all who come to us for advice.”

“May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike–without grounds.”

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Toasts by Famous People

Let’s face it, famous authors just have a way with words (obviously). The following are some famous toasts by some famous people (I know one is fictional, but it’s worth it).

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” -Hemingway

“A health to the man on the trail tonight; may his grub hold out; may his dogs keep their legs; may his matches never misfire.” -Jack London

“Here’s to us that are here, to you that are there, and the rest of us everywhere.” – Rudyard Kipling

“It is good to have an end to the journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end.”– Ernest Hemingway

“May we always part with regret and meet again with pleasure.” – Charles Dickens

“There are far, far better things ahead than we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships were built for.” – John A. SheddToo much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. Mark Twain

“Here’s to the big bull in the wood. He does the cows and heifers good. If it weren’t for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God?” – Mark Twain

“Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.” – Satchel Paige

“Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” – Bilbo Baggins

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin

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Sincere Famous Toasts

Sometimes, a toast should be more about class and showing the people around you that they’re good company, not just drinking your face off. The following are some sincere toasts that you can make to good people and real friends.

”Here’s to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinking…If you’re going to lie, lie for a friend. If you’re going to cheat, cheat death. If you’re going to steal, steal a heart. If you’re going to drink, drink with me.”

“There are good ships and wood ships and ships that sail to sea. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be”

“Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink.”

“To absent friends.”

“May the best days of your past pale in comparison to the worst days of your future.”

“May your troubles be less and your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door. “

“This year, my wish for you is for good fortune to precede you, love to walk with you and good friends to follow you.”

“May “for better or worse” be far better than worse.”

“May your home always be too small to hold all your loved ones.”

“May you retire from your job but never retire from your passion.”

“We only get two lives—the first life and then the second life when we realize we only have one life.”

“May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields. And, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.”

“May good fortune precede you, love walk with you, and good friends follow you.”

“The Lord gives us our relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends.”

“My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend!”

“May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you.”

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Romantic Famous Toasts for Date Night

Make one of these toasts before that first sip of wine to show your wife or girlfriend how much you care. With a little twisting, you can even use one of these as a wedding toast.

“Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after.”

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” — Romeo and Juliet

“May we all have the unspeakable good fortune to win a true heart, and the merit to keep it.”

“May you fall in love several times… but may it always be with me.”

“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” — Maya Angelou

“You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” — Dr. Seuss

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How About a Traditional Toast?

Who can argue with a great traditional toast? Try one of the following next time you want to balance a crude toast with a sincere one. You might find these traditional drinking toasts are a great fit.

“May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows we’re dead.”

“Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long.”

“To Hell! May the stay there be as fun as the way there.”

“We’re only here for a short time, let’s make it a good time. “

“God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all!”

“May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.”

“You’re a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor.”

“Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer — and another one!”

“Here’s to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful.”

“Happy wife, happy life. “

“Here’s to all of you who know me well but love me anyway.”

“May you be extra happy this year … and may your enemies know it.”

“May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”

“Here’s to great friends. They know you well … and like you just the same.”

“Here’s to us, and those like us. Damned few of us left.”

“While we live, let’s live.”

“May we never go to hell but always be on our way.”

“May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss.”

“May we live to learn well and learn to live well.”

“Health to those I love, wealth to those who love me.”

“May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve.”

“May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, The foresight to know where you’re going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far.”

Your Turn. What are your favorite toasts?

That’s a pretty exhaustive list of toasts that men can use to really steal the show. But that might not have all of them. Let me know what your favorite toast is in the comments below. And don’t forget to sign up for the TGA mailing list so you never miss an article. I’ll send hot posts like this one and more to your inbox every week, so show the love and sign up below.